


Nuthin' But Trouble

by msgordo (kipplemine)



Category: The Sentinel, due South
Genre: Complete, Crack, Crossover, Gen, Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-01-12
Updated: 2013-01-12
Packaged: 2017-11-25 06:45:47
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,549
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/636210
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kipplemine/pseuds/msgordo
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Previously posted to 852 Prospect. Simon's having a bad day, then against all probability it gets worse.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Nuthin' But Trouble

Captain Simon Banks glared at the two men standing before his desk, down at the open files spread out before him and then at the phone he held in his hand a prudent six inches from his ear as the man on the other end continued to yell at the top of his voice. Detective James Ellison did a remarkably good job of looking unconcerned as the litany of furious complaint bellowed down the wire, and it occurred to Simon that the Sentinel had probably dialled his hearing down to nothing in an effort to avoid being deafened by the yells and screams. The bastard.

Blair Sandburg stood in his usual place at his Sentinel’s side, cringing slightly as the livid monologue continued and tried to shuffle discreetly behind Jim but a twitch from Simon’s eye had him freezing in place and smiling weakly at his Captain. Simon glared harder.

“Captain Williams, look, I’m sure whatever they did can be fixed.” Simon looked about as convinced as he sounded and he closed his eyes for a brief moment as he realised that where Ellison and Sandburg were concerned things getting fixed was unlikely to say the least. 

Christ, just don’t let them have happened to anyone important.

That wish was destroyed at the next words to be spat down the line. This time Blair and Simon cringed in unison. “Oh hell, they did that to your Chief?” Simon’s eyes narrowed as Blair shook his head to send his curls dancing and pointed firmly at Jim’s placid face as he mouthed, ‘All him!’

Simon rubbed a weary hand over his face and forced himself to listen to the ongoing censure from the phone and then his mouth dropped open in horror. “They blew up _what_?” He glowered at Blair as the student continued to deny all responsibility by gesturing emphatically at his partner. “ _And_ the patrol car?” Blair stopped pointing at Jim and flushed a deep, guilty red as his hand fell limply back down to his side. “And the Japanese flower garden?” Blair’s eyes were wide and stricken in his face and he started to bite his lip. Simon’s mouth dropped open. “They did _what_ with the penguin?” 

Blair shuffled his feet, looked deeply unhappy and muttered something about preserving the rights of all Mother Nature’s beasts to live as She intended. 

Simon reached for his gun and Blair hurriedly shut up. Jim apparently could read lips and snorted in amusement.

“Look, Captain Williams, I can only apologise for any inconvenience that my men have caused you and your city and assure you that they will be thoroughly reprimanded.” Simon sat back in his chair and wearily scrubbed a hand over his tired face. “Please extend my good wishes to your superiors and…and…Hello?” The much put upon superior of Ellison and Sandburg stared at the dead receiver in his hand and then slammed it into the waiting cradle. “ _What the hell did you two do this time_?”

Jim eyed Simon carefully and then dialled his hearing back up to normal when he judged his captain was waiting for an answer and not just shouting for the hell of it. “We arrested two car thieves and stopped a young woman being beaten to death at the hands of her husband, Captain. We did our job.”

Simon’s jaw twitched. “No, Ellison, you did not do your job. You were supposed to be in Seattle for a grand total of two hours to pick up one measly little informant and pickpocket, not see how fast you could total ten city blocks and drive the entire Seattle PD to a nervous breakdown.”

Jim’s eyes flashed with annoyance at being spoken to like a ten year old, but his mouth lifted in a tiny smile at the thought of devastation he and his Guide had wrecked in their brief sojourn in an unfamiliar city. “We were in and out in just under an hour and a half, sir.” He glanced down at his nervously bouncing partner and put a reassuring hand on Blair’s shoulder. “And we brought the informant in as requested.”

Blair nodded, with eyes wide in soulful agreement. “Exactly like you asked us to, Simon.” He gulped and tried to edge behind Jim again as Simon switched his incredulous glare from Sentinel to Guide. “Sorry, _Captain_ , I meant to say Captain.”

“Sandburg, at which point in your briefing before you left my office yesterday do you recall me asking you clowns to inflict three hundred thousand dollars worth of damage on an unsuspecting city whilst in pursuit of three petty criminals that were out of your jurisdiction anyway?” Simon clenched his fists tightly as Blair opened his mouth to reply. “That was a rhetorical question!” Blair’s mouth closed with a snap.

Jim glowered at his superior and increased his hold on Blair’s shoulder. “Don’t take it out on him, he was just following me, Captain.” He patted Blair approvingly. “Did real good, too.”

“ _You blew up a flower garden_!” Simon jumped to his feet and slammed his hands onto his desk, making both men flinch. “ _In what twisted world is that good_?”

Jim couldn’t help himself, despite the resigned groan from Blair at his side when his Guide caught the smirk on the older man’s face. “It was a _really_ ugly garden, Simon. Trust me, we did everyone a favour.”

For one awful moment it looked like the team of Ellison and Sandburg were going to be responsible for the explosion of their much-liked captain as well as a car and an ornamental garden and even Jim looked a little alarmed when Simon’s eyes bulged and he made a frightening hissing noise. Several very long moments later, just as Blair was beginning to think he’d have to go looking for a bucket of water to extinguish the flames, Simon sucked in a deep, calming breath and sat down in his chair. He eyed the two men piercingly for a moment and then reached for a closed file on the edge of his desk. “I was going to give this to Rafe and Brown but I think after your sterling efforts to uphold the good name of the Cascade PD whilst in Seattle it would be better to entrust it to your specialised talents.” Sharp eyes suddenly honed in on Blair as he began to edge towards the exit, sure to the marrow of his bones that whatever was coming he wasn’t going to like it one bit. “Put one foot outside that door, Sandburg, and I’ll have your ass cuffed and tossed in a cell so fast your feet won’t touch the floor.” 

Blair froze. “I have to get to the University, I have office hours and…” He trailed off and withered under the heat of Simon’s glare. “And I’ll just be staying right here.” He smiled weakly. “Gotcha.”

“Hmm.” Simon treated him to one more narrow look before switching his attention back to Jim with an evil twist to his mouth. “We’ve got two visitors coming in today that need some help with a perp we have in custody. A Detective Ray Vecchio of the Chicago PD and Constable Benton Fraser of the Royal Canadian Mounted Police, liaison from the Canadian Consulate to the Chicago PD. They’re the top investigative team in their city and the Mayor himself has requested that we show these outstanding gentlemen every courtesy whilst they are visiting our fair city. They say jump and you say how high, Detective.” Simon chortled merrily as he handed over the file to a very unimpressed Jim and steepled his hands beneath his chin. “Think of this as a learning curve, Ellison. Take notes. Immerse yourself in the wisdom and knowledge of two shining examples of…” He turned his head in surprise when Rafe burst into his office with a wild-eyed Brown hot on his heels. “What the hell is going on?”

“Sorry, sir!” Rafe hung onto the door and gasped for breath as he waved a hand in apology at his superior. “There’s a situation downstairs. Reports coming in that a wolf just chased some guy in from the street and there’s a Mountie rappelling down the side of the building in hot pursuit of a sniper that was spotted on the roof.” Rafe looked back over his shoulder as shouts and yells sounded and then hurriedly got out of the way as a screaming Latino man burst into the bullpen, closely followed by a snarling wolf. Henri cursed and dived for cover behind Simon’s desk as the man ran into the office and looked around wildly before diving for the far door and disappearing back into the hallway. The wolf ran into the room and barked once in acknowledgment of the men scrambling out of his way before following his prey out of sight.

Simon sucked in a breath to signal the start of a truly gargantuan roar, but before he could get a word out a tall, skinny blond man exploded into the bullpen. “DIEF!” Ray Vecchio, aka Kowalski, stared around himself and curled his lip in annoyance. “DIEF! Hey, anyone seen a wolf around here?” He nodded as Joel Taggert speechlessly pointed towards Simon’s office and sprinted across the room. “Thanks, buddy.” Simon gaped at the scruffy individual with the spiky hair that ran through his door and scowled at the muffled snigger from Jim. “Where’s the wolf?”

Blair picked himself up from where he had crouched beside Simon’s shelving unit when the animal had gone by and pointed politely out the door. “He went that way. He seemed pretty mad.”

The blond man sighed as he hustled past. “Greatness, just what I need a pissy wolf who hasn’t had his morning donut. DIEF!” He left the room as abruptly as he entered it. “Dief, no snacking on the perp, you animal! _Dief_!”

Before the group of men had time to collect their wits there came a polite tapping from the direction of the window and they all turned to see a well-built man in the full red uniform of the Mounted police clinging onto a rope with one hand and his Stetson hat with the other. Jim opened the window. “Can I help you?”

“Thank you kindly.” The Mountie swung nimbly inside the room and tipped his hat to the stunned men. “Constable Benton Fraser at your service. I wonder if any of you gentlemen might know the location of my partner?”

Jim bit his lip and tried very hard not to laugh at a strangled sound from Simon. “Skinny blond, yelling at a big wolf?”

“Yes.” Fraser sighed with relief. “Detective Vecchio. Would you be kind enough to tell me where I might find him?” His head swung towards the door as a terrified scream sounded and a familiar voice began to yell to the accompaniment of snaps and snarls of the canine variety. “Ah. Never mind.” He tipped his hat and strode off towards the door. “Sorry to interrupt, gentlemen. Oh, when you have a moment there is an individual unconscious in the office above us who was unlucky enough to hurt his head whilst trying to escape custody. I have him and his weapon secured.” With a final tip of his hat the Mountie left the office and disappeared in search of his friend.

Rafe and Brown eyed their captain nervously as the audible sound of his teeth grinding filled the office and with a final worried look at Blair and Jim they backed out and softly closed the door behind them. Blair sidled over to Jim’s side, casting anxious glances over his shoulder where the sound of an exasperated Canadian voice ordering his companions to stop biting unprotected limbs and threatening to kick the fallen perp in the head drifted back down the hall. “They seem nice.”

Jim choked on a belly laugh as Simon glowered at Blair and his smaller partner ducked behind him for cover. “How long did you say they were in town, sir?”

Simon opened his mouth to reply, but was once again forestalled by the arrival of Fraser and Vecchio, this time escorting their prisoner between them and the wolf leading the way chewing happily on one of the perp’s shoes. The Mountie tipped his hat again. “I do apologise for the interruption again, gentlemen, but I’m afraid a matter of some urgency had arisen and we need to locate the officers assigned to act as our liaisons whilst we are in Cascade.”

Instinctively all eyes turned to the blond detective rolling his eyes at the ceiling in disgust at his partner’s polite words. “I’m Vecchio, the freak is Fraser.” He shook the whimpering man held between them. “This is Jesus Lopez and he’s just told us that there’s a bomb planted at the Cascade Library, timed to go off in half an hour. Some revenge thing against Fraser here, musta been leaked where we’d be this week. The perps are gonna be callin’ any time with their demands.” Blue eyes looked expectantly around the office. “Pitter, patter; lets get at ‘er, fellas.”

Jim practically bounced across the office. “I’m Ellison, that’s Sandburg, my partner. We’re your contacts while you’re here.” He pulled the unfortunate Lopez from the men’s grasp and shoved him carelessly towards Simon. “Bomb, huh? We should get going. Later, sir!” He grabbed Blair and propelled him towards the door. “We’ll keep you updated on the situation.”

Fraser tipped his hat again. “Sir.” He glanced down at the wolf at his side. “No, Diefenbaker, I don’t believe the gentleman would be inclined to give you a donut.” He glared at the wolf and cricked his neck uncomfortably. “I don’t care how many he has in his drawer!” Simon looked incredulously between the man and his wolf as the Canadian flushed in embarrassment. “I’m terribly sorry, sir. He gets very excited in the thrill of the chase and his manners sometimes suffer. I do hope he hasn’t offended you.”

Simon blinked. “Not at all.”

“That’s very kind.” Fraser looked down at the wolf. “Come, Dief.” He turned on his heel and marched out with the disgruntled animal following close behind and sending Simon a beseeching look over his shoulder.

Vecchio tossed a casual salute as he followed. “Nice to meet ya.” 

Simon eyed the office door as it closed behind the man and without taking his eyes off it, reached for his phone. “Rhonda? Get me Lieutenant Welsh of the Chicago PD, please.” He reached down with his other hand for the bottle of scotch he kept in his bottom drawer, alongside his secret stash of donuts. “Then call around the other departments and let them know Ellison and Sandburg are back in town and they’ve got company.” He poured himself a generous measure of the amber liquid and sighed heavily. “Better put the fire department on alert as well. I think it’s going to be a long day.” He replaced the receiver with studious care and then realised the shaking perp that had been captured by the wolf and the visiting detective was still in his office. The two men stared at one another for a moment before Simon sighed and fished another tumbler out of his drawer. “Drink?”

 

The End.


End file.
